IMY

Dearest Reader,

     I can't wait to come home. I miss a lot of little things: riding bikes in the rain, getting dressed up to get trashed, sitting in my swamp cooler house half naked smoking hookah, working for old people, walking about down town Tucson...There's a billion things I miss! I never thought I'd want to go back to Tucson and just get back to the way things were, but at the same time, I wouldn't give up my place in life for anything. I'm where I need to be, regardless of how lonely, sad, and bitchy I may get, I want and need to be here.
     Tucson will always be home, even when I'm stone clode frozen in Alaska.

Yours truly,
     Alexa

We all end up alone no matter how we've grown

Dearest Reader,

     Being in the military, I guess it shouldn't be such a shock that people will constantly be on a revolving door. They're on the continuous ciricle of coming and going, just as I am, but last week was quite the eye opener for me when 3 of my closeset friends left. They all went back home and in a few weeks, 2 will be heading out to Japan while the other gets to stay in his home town. All the while, I'm left here in the Devil's armpit. Watching them all get on a bus and drive away was heart breaking. Our last night together was spent at Chili's being obnoxioius as ever. This Friday 2 more will leave. And even so, I can't stop listening to The Sarcastic Dharma Society. Meloncholy as ever. SARC my life....

Yours Truly,
     Alexa

Hittin' the gym. Hard.

Dearest Reader,

     How is it possible? Seriously! I've gained roughly 5 lbs in 2 weeks. SRSLY. WTF. This will be the last time I "just relax" ever again. I guess I'll be on the constant move for the rest of my life. But what did I expect? I joined the AF. Typical day of tech school...0700-1700 School. 1800-1930 Gym in bed by 2200. Wake up and do it all over again, unless its PT (Physical training) days. Fall out for PT at 0410. Push ups, sit ups, and a 1.5-3 mi run And repeat. And repeat. And repeat.
     OH! This weekend, we have RMT which is short for Remedial Military Training. Basically, we go back to BMT for the weekend because last weekend, a few Airman thought it would be a really good idea to drink ON BASE underage. Real cool, guys. One of them drank themselves to the point where they SHIT THEIR PANTS. Even I've never been THAT shwasted! So instead of going to a hotel and smushing this weekend, I'll probaby just be on Squadron/Base lockdown...doing PT and other pointless tasks from 0400 to 1600. On a Saturday. SARC MY LIFE.

Yours Truly,
     Alexa

I'm Alive

Dearest Reader,

     I'm alive and super buff. Okay, so I've lost some muscle definition since basic but whatever. I'm still mega skinny ;) Currently at tech school and I finally start class on Friday. I've been here since May 9th and I've just been cleaning random buildings since then awaiting my class start date. Finally got interwebs in my dorm so now I can finally start updating regularly :D

Okay, it's 2053 and I have to start getting ready for bed. Sext you tomorrow!!

Yours Truly,
     Alexa

I leave in two days...

Dearest Reader,

     As I type, I'm cleaning. I'm worrying. And most of all, I'm contimplating what and who i'll be leaving behind. Packing up my room once again is such a pain and a reminder of who I am and what I've become. I've done some growing, and set new priorities. The next few days and weeks are going to forever change me and I hope it'll be into someone who still has high hopes. I'm getting rid of a bunch of clothes, trinkets, papers, memories. It's going to be fun?
    
     I'm still freaking out. So that first paragraph was nothing but horse shit and me not deleting whatever I started thinking. I'm going to miss Tucson. It's the place I grew up and the only place in the world I consider home in a shit hole. It's the best and worst little town ever. Big enough to not know everyone but small enough to run into people you know all the time. The next time I come back ((the latest)) will be in August. And then it'll only be for 2 weeks. So hopefully I'll see everyone I didn't get to see right before I left.

     I was ready to leave a few months ago. There was no one I would be leaving behind, untill a few weeks ago. It kind of just happened out of nowhere. I wasn't looking for anyone, let alone expecting it to happen. But I think that's how the best romances happen, when you least expect them. I have no expectations for this relationship. I'm just having fun and seeing where it ends up.

I've gotta keep packing, I'll update one last time tomorrow before I leave. CUM TO MY OPEN HAUS!

Yours truly,
     Alexa

Mama Mia...

Dearest Reader,

     I only have...what...19 days? And I'm starting to feel bad because I havent been spending much time with my mother as of late. But at the same time, I'm spending my time with other special people too. So, I'm torn. Guess I should get my priorities straight, huh?

Yours truly,
     Alexa

20 days and counting

Dearest Reader,



Shaved with clippers for easier maitenence.

     The days are zooming past and at an incomperable speed. Just last week, it seems like I was still at 42 days. Since then, I've got my hair cut, planned and coordinated a trip to California and Disneyland, and made peace with the fact that I'll have to leave my son, Jynxie with my mother for atleast 3 years. Due to the fact that I'll only be allowed to live in the dorms and they don't allow animals...Ugh...


Jynx Magoo Ponta Kun Allen-Donithan



     My workout regiment has changed. Not only do I run 3 times a week, I also added a jump rope and medicine ball routine. All that ontop of strength training and practicing my pathetic push ups. But all my efforts have not gone un noticed. I've losst 1/2 an inch off my chest and my arms have thinned out and gained muscle deffinition. Also, I've noticed that my cheek bones are starting to show slightly and my collar bones are becoming more visible. And yet, my actual weight number has not changed. I don't understand how one can develop so much without loosing more than 2-3 pounds. But my motivation is still strong. I don't want to be recycled in basic training and fail my own expectations.

Winter surprise!!

     Along with my workouts, I've stopped drinking, limited my time around those who smoke, and put myself on a new diet. I eat like a king for breakfast, a prince for lunch and a beggar for dinner. I always have one hefty salad in the morning, a lighter one as a snack, soup if its available or half a sandwich. I try to stay away from mayo and use light mustard instead. Grain breads are best if my soy bean bread is not available. Also, substituting dressings for salsa is so much better in taste and caloric intake.

     Also, going to church more has been helping me mentally prepare for basic. Just this last sermon was about Jonah in the whale and how he God was still with him even in his darkest moments. It's the little things like this that bring me back to my roots. Being good, having faith, and remembering my morals. Granted, this last bit was super corny, and probably out of my own character, but it's all part of a new movement I'm trying and it's caleld growing up. I don't want to be stuck in Tucson forever, stuck in my ways, talking to the same people i've known all my life...I want to be out of my comfort zone. New surroundings..to be a new person would be what I'm really doing all this for. I'm done living for myself and for momentary highs...they're all short lived and not what I truly want ie. people, places, things.

     I have high hopes for this new career I'm choosing. Hopefully it will open more doors and serve more opportunities than Art school would have given me. There's still time to improve my work and still time to persue it as a later career, but for now I'm focusing on what's practical for me in now. And for now, missiles will provide more money than paintings and simple doodles. Let's be honest, unless one's work is truly unique, different, and oustanding, the life of an artists is most challenging.

     Speaking of money and working and what-nots...yesterday was my last day working at the retierment home. GOODNESS! It was really hard to leave all those oldie foldies. It really was like working for 150 grandparents. They would shower you with small gifts, terms of endearment, hugs, kisses, cheek pinches, even a few witty insults. But all of it was in the name of love and the fact that I added some kind of positive mark onto someone elses life was good enough for me. I got plenty of congrats from them all once they found out I was leaving to join the service. Some even sang the Air Force song for me, which was really quite adorable. I'll miss them all. The residents and even the other employees. I recieved a card signed by them all and that was very sweet. I played one last prank on my former boss as well...I wrapped her truck in plastic, sprayed chocolate syrup all over it, dumped a trash bag in the bed, and salted ice from the salad bar behind her truck so that way it would freeze as one large clump of ice and be much harder to move. All done in the name of good fun. We had a laugh and that was that. Working at the Cascades was such a joy and quite the experiance. I'll never forget it and hope that most everyone gets the same opportunity.

Yours Truly,

     Alexa